Years pass by. Memories fade. Excitement wanes.
The day-to-day, same-old-same-old, yawn-yawn-bore-bore.
Another war, another loss, that creaking joint, that breaking point. It’s as much as we can do to stick to the routine. Oh, how the revelling spirit is subdued.
YEAH! But there are battles worth fighting. YIP YAY YEAH! Come on! Bring it on!
THIS I refuse to leave behind. You say I can’t go upstairs. Fuck you. I will NOT stop going upstairs.
The children of the Summer of Love have retired. How they ache for fun. The acid-capped veterans of 1989 see their mid-years in the mirror. How they ache to re-live their specious, but not too distant memory of fun. FUN, through the doors of perception, is almost at arm’s reach. Stretch a little. Reach some more. FUN! Break down the doors. Look, WAHEY MAN, it’s in the palm of your hands. EFFING GENIUS!
We want more FUN. We want more FUN. We refuse to give up. YIP YAY YEAH! Watch us go.
Such diligence attracts attention. “What is it that keeps ‘em going back for more?”, they ask. What is it about standing in a field, squinting at a person shaped dot, dancing to music filtered through that tremendous roar of drunken chatter? Oh yeah, that’s what it’s become to some. BUT, it’s not all it ever was. Far from it. AND, it’s not all it is today. BUT, it has become TOO MUCH.
Festivals grew up with us: me and you. The weekend escape from the yawn-yawn-bore-bore. A little explosion in the brain. The seasons of love linger. Well, they were amazing, weren’t they? The pilgrimage goes on.
Where pockets rattled with pennies, sponsorship followed.
“What is this they said?” “There is money in them fields,” they said. Beer, stages and an empire of mean fiddling festivals, branded by greed. Mainstream acts in exchange for product placement. The promise of reaching a fun-fuelled market. Advertising. Youth. Status. Money. Does a fear of missing out lead to the promise of an unfulfilled life? If the market aint right, change it. Make ‘em want it. Give it to ‘em good.
Be gone with those stereotypes of yore. Be gone fabulous freak fuckers, brain damaged by litmus paper, listening to weird shit in a field. You have no money and the concept of advertising is wasted on you. ‘Ello mainstream. ‘Ello technology. ‘Ello security. Be gone to chaos. Be gone to returning home to culture shock. And year by year, THOSE looks ebbed with the tide. You know the ones. You dirty, naked, drug taking, scrounging hippy. Them. Those looks. They went. We don’t return to them no more. Naaah, Carol’s sister was there too you know, drinking tea in a tent where she chatted with a wannabe Tory politician. The pre-naughties cries of “Acid! Es! Coke! Speed!” are long gone.
The masses that missed out on the monumental years have passed the stage of peeking through the curtains. Now they take part. They’ve made it upstairs at last. Along with giant TV screens, film crews, security guards, mobile phones and charging points.
The landscape of life CAN adapt to my will. Boutique camping, reformed bands, family-friendly intentions and onsite taxis. Hello Stannah chair lift. Take me up that hill. It will soon be easier to be onsite than to stay at home. Jetpacks branded with Golden Arches, from luxury beach hut to arena, optimum position to shout over retro-bands, urine collected at source and shit recycled as food. It is a festival you know. We like to be green.
A weekend of wearing plastic bags sandwiched between a pair of socks and monumentally mud damaged trainers has GONE. Nettles in your hair and a dock leaf up your arse. That’s so yesterday. The giant screen is where it’s at. Festival: a field to watch the box in. Close ups of stars and idiots in the crowd IS everything.
Lowbrow bollox. “We’ve gone and bloody done it,” they said. “We’ve alienated the swots and the musos.” A lost MARKET!
So, in steps Latitude. La de fucking da. Latitude with its Radio 4 attitude. Afternoon Play, Book at Bedtime and some rather good comedy, don’t you know.
Hoorah and hooray. An event for theatrical types, the literature lovelies and musos. Keep out the riff raff. Get robbed by the riff raff. Taste the culture.
Well, that dream ended fast. The Pet Shop Boys came, Radio 4 went and Vodafone built a watchtower. Enter stage East - the mainstream moneyed and the super-fete. A mass grave of talented curators is hidden in the woods of Henham Park.
Yeah! Rant on you crazy charcoal. The eternally optimistic went anyway... Optimism rules. You NEVER know. It was lovely. It was fun. Not FUN, but fun. Okay, it rained, and it poured, and the line up lacked innovation, but treats could be found. My highlight? Bimbling about in the early hours with mates.
In conclusion, the super-fete needs jam. Blue jam.
Dig up those curators. They make tasty Blue jam.
Rating system (from very best to very worst):
Fucking Awesome, Ear Candy, Thumbs Up, Not for Me Thanks, Hideously Awful
*** Thursday 14th July, 2011 ***
Soldier-A & Intensi-T
Poetry Arena
Thumbs Up (5/10)
Two young lads from Norwich! Excellent beatboxing. Not so sure about the rapping. They evidently love their music.
Mr B The Gentleman Rhymer
Poetry Arena
Ear Candy (7/10)
Mr B should open every festival. His posh mockery of rap is rather fun old chap. The middle section was a bit weak and lacking in hooks, but it was jolly spiffing all the same.
*** Friday 15th July, 2011 ***
Avi Buffalo
The Word Arena
Thumbs Up (6/10)
Ahh, Avi, the star of 2010. What’s happened to your voice? Avi struggled to hit the high notes and it really interfered with the set. A new gravelly number seemed more in his comfort range, and was rather good. So what’s going on with Avi? A cough da cold? Too many unfiltered smokes? Maturity? I was so excited to see Avi, a 6/10 is somewhat disappointing.
Edwyn Collins
Obelisk Arena
Ear Candy (8/10)
Before Latitude, I watched the BBC programme about Edwyn’s somewhat triumphant recovery from a major stroke. He may not be 100% functional, but he is 100% charming. It was a lovely set. Even his boy sang a number, and was pretty damn good.
The Phantom Band
Sunrise Arena
Ear Candy (7/10)
Melodic folk rock in the woods, I won’t say ‘No’. The Scots pulled it off with down-to-earth enthusiasm.
Yann Tiersen
The Word Arena
Ear Candy (8/10)
Wonderfully atmospheric ambient delights. Great musicianship, great harmonies, great samples and an oddly placed violin solo mid-set.
GroupLove
Sunrise Arena
Fucking Awesome (9/10)
Beards and smiles all round. The last gig of the tour and a good ‘un at that. Summery sounds in a summery setting.
Still Corners
The Lake Stage
Ear Candy (7/10)
The Lake Stage has always lacked presence as a focal point in the Latitude grounds. This has been worsened by the fact that it’s now a thoroughfare for a new bridge. The people that used to sit and watch the Lake stage, now watch people toing and froing instead. More people should have seen The Still Corners make sweet melodic tunes and boast emotively pretty vocals.
Bright Eyes
Obelisk Stage
Ear Candy (8/10)
Initially, I had concerns. The set might not be as good as the Glasto one. It migh tarnish the memory. It was different. Conor seemed more at home and at ease, and it worked in his favour. By the end of the set I was genuinely moved. It was lovely. Conor seemed humbly charmed by the adoring teenage girls that flocked to shake his hand.
The Vaccines
The Word Arena
Fucking Awesome (10/10)
The young kids that climbed the tent poles for a better view, and briefly stopped the set, should be well-chuffed. That is one to be forever proud of. What an ace set. My only criticism is that, because I was with pals, I wasn’t close enough!
Cats Eyes
Sunrise Arena
Fucking Awesome (9/10)
This was magical. It would get 10/10 if the sound engineer hadn’t ballsed up at the start. Fortunately, Farris spotted the error, and the choir was 100% worth remembering to mic up. Cats Eyes boast an amazingly intoxicating sound and truly impressive vocals. My heart was torn apart and stitched back together again by this sonic beauty.
Brigitte Aphrodite
Poetry Arena
Ear Candy (7/10)
She’s a charmer! A one-woman musical comedy.
*** Saturday 16th July, 2011 ***
James Vincent McMorrow
The Word Arena
Thumbs Up (6/10)
Dark skies attacked earth with water bombs. People caught in the action headed for the Word Arena. The tent was full of tourists, some paying due attention and some chattering the morning away. It didn’t create the atmosphere that the music fan requires. After a great struggle, I managed to squeeze myself into viewing position. There, I discovered a young man and his band presenting some warmly gentle tunes.
Shaun Keavenay
Cabaret Arena
Thumbs Up (6/10)
Shaun came out dressed as Freddie Mercury and demonstrated easy going wit and charm throughout. I liked the way, seeing himself as an amateur professional, he was slightly understated. Everyone wanted him to succeed.
Bryony Kimmings: 7 Day Drunk
Cabaret Arena
Ear Candy (7/10)
I was absolutely captivated, even though I had a poor view of the video screen. The screen would, at interludes, show a recording of Bryony kept in a drunken state for several days, in what appeared to be a hospital setting. A female volunteer was invited up on stage to drink a pint of vodka with Bryony, as she delivered the show, which involved costume, storytelling and interaction with her guest. Bizarrely entrancing.
Villagers
The Word Arena
Thumbs Up (6/10)
Extremely well delivered indie-folk, but a touch too saccharine for me.
Rumer
The Obelisk Arena
Thumbs Up (6/10)
The sun came out and Rumer’s Karen Carpenter-esq voice welcomed it to Suffolk. She was older than I imagined and not at all dour: quite the opposite.
Fight Like Apes
Sunrise Arena
Fucking Awesome (10/10)
The men of Fight Like Apes came on stage in body suits, which looked stupidly amazing. Mary-Kate got the microphone entangled in her clothes twice. And it wasn’t just me, they also thought their last Latitude gig was one of the best ever. I loved them, the crowd loved them, and Mary-Kate’s adventures over the barrier ended the set perfectly. Fight Like Apes make a gig a party: a fantastic party.
Double Science with Robin Ince and 2 Mad Scientists
Literary Arena
Ear Candy (7/10)
Edutainment, eh? I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can’t remember what I learnt, but there was a big bang that made me leap off my chair.
Paulo Nutini
Obelisk Arena
Thumbs Up (6/10)
I enjoyed the bouncy tunes, and the parents dancing with their little ‘uns. I didn’t like the sickly slow songs. Not my scene.
Moshi Moshi DJs
Lake Stage
Ear Candy (8/10)
Most of what I heard was brilliant!
*** Sunday 17th July, 2011 ***
Anna Calvi
Obelisk Arena
Ear Candy (7/10)
She is a dark lady, with a fiercely rich voice.
Steve Hughes
Comedy Arena
Ear Candy (8/10)
A gas! The guy is a walking advert for “being yourself”. He has evidently put a lot of work into creating a well-constructed, cerebral and darkly funny set. Start accessible, and then drive the audience your twisted worldview, Steve.
Sea of Bees
Lake Stage
Ear Candy (8/10)
What an intriguing lady Jules is. Bittersweet campfire laments, delivered with a certain oddity that can only endear. Jules seems to draw the lyrics up from her chest and then direct an enormous amount of facial energy towards delivering them as words.
Adam Buxton
Comedy Arena
Ear Candy (8/10)
Does what it says on the tin. Adam presenting YouTube videos, some his own, and sharing the world of YouTube comments in an amusing fashion.
Ghostpoet
Lake Stage
Ear Candy (8/10)
I expected Ghostpoet to be on major tranquilizers, drawling cleverly constructed sentences between songs and needing support to hold his body up. He seemed as bright as a daisy. It was quite odd, when mid-song, he tried to entice and excite the crowd a little. So much brooding melancholy in the music and, yet, not how he presents.
Gold Panda
Sunrise Arena
Ear Candy (8/10)
Gold Panda wanted to go on and on. In his short set, he created a room of gently bobbing, fly catchers. He builds on sample and beats, with a minimalist but rich style.
Eels
Word Arena
Thumbs Up (6/10)
They went for showmanship instead of fragility. Their back catalogue is vast, and I prefer the gentler songs, which demonstrate emotional depth and vulnerability.
Fabpants Recommends:
I really, really wanted Eels to play this:
Download MP3: Eels - The Man (courtesy of hulkshare.com)
They didn’t. To watch Eels, I missed Crystal Fighters. Choices about line-up clashes are often tough.
Download MP3: Crystal Fighters – Plage (courtesy of mediafire.com)
