It’s odd, but I never really minded when I got mistaken for a boy up until my late 20s. Being mistaken for a ‘sir’ is bad though. Something must be very wrong. Really, I must go for laser treatment, get a boob job or wear skirts. Please don’t make me wear skirts. Supersize those boobs now.
Bestival Festival faced the leftovers of Hurricane Gustav. It was windy, it rained. Then it rained a lot more. Then it rained. Then it rained some more. Did I mention rain? There was a lot of that. The comedy tent shut for the weekend. The BBC Introducing stage was like a revolving door; it didn’t know whether it was open or shut. Sadly, it was shut more often than it was open.
The Band Stand electrical equipment got wet and someone said ‘Do you think this is dangerous?’ Even the Main Stage opened several hours later than planned. A rainy Bestival put Michael Eavis’ efforts in perspective. For someone that loves music and comedy, there were too many disappointing cancellations.
Robin Hill Country Park is a superb setting for a festival. There’s a tower for spotting red squirrels, tarmac walks through pretty woodland, an African themed adventure play park, a real permanent shop, a real cafe, ponds filled with water lilies, and slides that run down steep hills.
After parting with £3, I got to go on a toboggan ride. I’ve never been on a toboggan ride before. It was rather strange. There is no strap to hold you in and you control the speed by holding a big rod between your legs. I’m not quite sure I can compare it to Nemesis at Alton Towers, but my eyes watered with joy.
Other Bestival highlights included being in charge of a giant letter ‘I’. I helped make a penis whole, changed a duck into a dick and delved deep into a pair of tits. I'm sorry to say that I didn’t make it inside a vagina.
Within the same hour, on a different part of the site, I became part of a conveyor belt during an amazing set by my favourite band ever: Misty’s Big Adventure.
As usual the acts are rated as follows, from very best to very worst:
Fucking Awesome, Ear Candy, Thumbs Up, Not for Me Thanks, Hideously Awful
(number) = number of songs seen when full set not seen (sometimes approximate)
Thursday 4th September
| Slow Club, Resident Records Brighton | Fucking Awesome |
Friday, 5th September
| The Shortwave Set, Xbox Social | Ear Candy |
| Ebony Bones, Big Top | Thumbs Up |
| Foals, Main Stage | Ear Candy |
| Santagold, Big Top | Thumbs Up |
| The Melodica, The Melody & Me | Thumbs Up |
| CSS, Big Top | Thumbs Up |
| Peyoti For President, Club Da Da | Not for Me Thanks |
| Cancelled Bands, Everywhere | Hideously Awful |
Saturday, 6th September
| Laura Marling, Main Stage | Fucking Awesome |
| Fresh Legs, BBC Introducing | Fucking Awesome |
| I am Kloot, Big Top (4) | Fucking Awesome |
| dan le sac Vs Scroobius Pip, Main Stage | Fucking Awesome |
| The Cuban Brothers, Main Stage | Fucking Awesome |
| The Duke Spirit, BBC Introducing (2) | Thumbs Up |
| Kid Carpet, Red Bull | Fucking Awesome |
| Tofu Love Frogs, Club Da Da | Not for Me Thanks |
| Jeffrey Lewis, BBC Introducing | Ear Candy |
| Slagmalsklubben, Big Top | Ear Candy |
| Manouschska, Band Stand | Thumbs Up |
| XXTeens, Club Da Da | Ear Candy |
| DJ Yoda Vs Shlomo (live AV show) | Ear Candy |
| Hot Chip, Main Stage | Fucking Awesome |
| Amy Winehouse, Main Stage (5) | Ear Candy |
| Lethal Bizzle, Red Bull (1) | Ear Candy |
Sunday, 7th September
| The Fairey Band, Main Stage | Fucking Awesome |
| King Creosote, Main Stage | Fucking Awesome |
| Thomas Tantrum, BBC Introducing | Ear Candy |
| Six Nation State, BBC Introducing | Fucking Awesome |
| Lucky Elephant, Band Stand | Thumbs Up |
| Baaba Maal, Main Stage | Thumbs Up |
| Misty Big Adventure, Band Stand | Fucking Awesome to Infinity |
| Zombie Zombie, BBC Introducing | Fucking Awesome |
| Gideon Conn, BBC Introducing | Ear Candy |
| Midnight Juggernauts, Big Top | Thumbs Up |
| The Guillotines, BBC Introducing | Thumbs Up |
| Urban Voodoo Machine, Club Da Da | Not for Me Thanks |
| The Bees, BBC Introducing | Ear Candy |
Fabpants Recommends: Live music for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And for the finale, a good night’s sleep. Coming to a bed near me. Oh yeah, baby. Sleep.
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