Here by Omission: We Don’t Need to be the Same

I'm not on Facebook. Briefly - for 3 months - I was. It was 2007. You know, back then, when the weather was different.

The ice caps were bigger and no one caught colds. And, do you remember this? We were all rich. We were rolling in it. Just rolling in it. I owned a house, a spaceship and ate out every night.

Those were the days. I used to throw money at the ocean. I'd never heard of Swine Flu, let alone pretended to have it. A week off work, no questions asked. Thank you very much. That's progress.

I existed on Facebook under my pseudonym. No one could find me. My blog didn't exist. You didn't stand a chance. Fabpants rocked in private. She rocked hard. You better believe. Yeah, right.

I asked two friends to be my Facebook friends. They lived far away. One said, 'no'. The other joined, then promptly forgot. Facebook was an ever-spreading adolescent sneeze. It had yet to tickle the toes of parents, grandparents and suckling babes. It would though. It would.

Email invitations came and went. Two months in, I had about thirteen Facebook friends. That was fine by me. I liked the way they looked out at me, from my 27-inch monitor. The random person, from work, who I'd spoken to twice, got a 'no'. She wasn't allowed to be my friend. What the fuck? First, you gotta make friends - for real - bee-atch.

"Life is what happens when you’re not on Facebook." That was my parting message. I stand by my parting message.

I'm not a technophobe. I design and create real websites, for real businesses. I know. By the state of this blog, that's a toughie, but it's true. This is my 'minimal' approach. Enjoy.

I don't watch television. I download so much, I could set up a virtual raffle and you'd all get a prize. Any day now, I'm going to install Windows 7. I eat technology for breakfast. It tastes good.

I'm not a loner. I have many wonderful friends. More than thirteen in fact. I'm a lucky gal. Watch me go.

Facebook is a relatively new phenomenon. Yet, choosing not to be a part of it makes me an outsider.

Friends have to make exceptions for me.

"For you, the non-Facebook member, I am writing this email especially. I'm having a party and I want you to come." Hooray, I get my very own invite.

"For you, the non-Facebook member, I am writing this email especially. I'm sending you this link to my Facebook photos." Hooray, I get to see our funny times.

That's what friends do. They accept you, eccentricities an' all. We're not rivals. We just walk different paths. Some eat meat. Some don't. Some own cars. Some don't. Some are Christians. I'm not. Some are atheists. I don't care. Two have told me that they liked, actually LIKED, Margaret Thatcher. We enjoy the debate.

So, why did I leave Facebook?:

Firstly, I didn't have the self-control required. If Facebook begged me to login, I did. It was like Facebook was telling me that the world was about to blow up. That, if I didn't hit 'refresh' every other second, I might miss my chance to hitch a ride outta here. Alpha Centauri, Betelgeuse Five and Milliways would never see my 'Wow... what the fuck?... this is amazing!' face. In reality, Paul was 'Picking his Bum' and Steve had uploaded a photograph of his pillow.

Secondly, I hate the way that people collect friends on Facebook. 'Look at me. I’m so fucking popular, I have 3000 friends.' Yeah, like you ever talk to them, help them out when their life is shit, or hug them just because you can. 'Bah humbug', says I.

Thirdly, I had to keep 'untagging' unflattering photographs of myself. Why does no one else delete all the unflattering photographs of their friends? It's not like I’m so vain. I mean, really.

Fourthly, and the best reason of all, I'd never lost a game of Facebook Scrabble. Think about it. How long could my luck last?

I've never found a good reason to rejoin. I might not be on Facebook, but - quite surprisingly - I still have friends.

One of them, I see very briefly, about every ten years or so. Nothing too heavy. You could join his Group Writing Project. I just did. I'd say it was fun.

Fabpants Recommends:
“...you know I have this 'language-handycap' ;-)”, wrote my friend. She's from Munich. She'll never admit it, but her English is amazing. She's as unique and charming as the 'y' implies.

When I tried to find out more about Rockettothesky, I echoed the words of my friend. "You know, I have this 'language handycap'". The Norwegian text that filled the page didn't care. It didn't care one bit. Where's a Babel Fish when you need one?

This lovely track has been around for a year now. It's as enchanting as ever. It's today's tasty treat.

Download MP3: Rockettothesky - Grizzly Man (courtesy of mineorecords.com)