Hang Nails and Paper Cuts

In the morning, the streets are empty. It’s five days later; not twenty-eight. In afternoon, the streets are full. Hordes of zombies, given a taste of fierce consumerism by festive decadence, want more. They jostle on pavements, queue in cars and fill their free time with the only hobby they know.

Some of us work. Work is a great place to be when no one else is there. Music plays, needless junk is discarded and all the jobs - that there's never time to do - get done. I always choose to work over the winter bank holiday season. I like to save my precious leave for adventures and sunshine.

Today, I left the office later than expected, dressed and ready for the gym. Standing outside the office, I stared at my wonderful two wheeled 'go faster' machine. It sat in its usual spot, resting on its stand, and looking bare. It lost its AXA SL7 rear mount lock yesterday. The lock refused to open and I had to take a drill to it. It’s the only power tool we have, but it did the job. The missing SL7 lock wasn’t the problem. It looked VERY bare. Usually, my bike wears three locks, and after a double take, I realised its free-range status; it was a lock free bike in the heart of town. It was as though someone had walked off with the locks and not the bike.

Who would pilfer the locks, which they would surely have to break to take, and not steal the bike? No one of course.

I, the stupid ‘I’, had left my precious and much loved bike in a vulnerable state all day. Meanwhile, my locks sat in the shed at home. How had I not noticed? Well, as usual, it was a chain of events that led to my precariously foolish behaviour.

The Five Stages of Dim

1. When my city bike locked itself shut, my cable and d lock found themselves transported to my mountain bike.
2. A well-needed festive gift – a mirror – attached itself to my bike last night. I rather successfully snapped it in two on arriving at work this morning.
3. My keys, which usually sit inside my forcibly removed SL7 lock, were on my person and not my bike. I didn’t have to lock my bike to retrieve them.
4. I walked into work thinking about broken mirrors.
5. My dear, dear bike sat resting on its stand, not even against a wall or post, on the far side of a pavement, outside a well-used community centre, ALL DAY. People stood staring at it, belched out of the building for the intake of cancer sticks, and many more walked by.

The last two times ‘a chain of events’ led to one of my bikes being unlocked or poorly locked, I had no bike to return to. A very lucky me rode home today.

I would most certainly have cried if it had been any other way.

If you think that Fabpants might be descending into madness, I spent last night unable to sleep, smiling and giggling. I have no idea why. It might help explain this morning though. I’ve gone loopy.

Fabpants Recommends: Watching Sigur Ròs’ film ‘Heima’. It’s the right time of year to watch Iceland’s populous, in their fabulous 80s style knitwear, enjoying their best export.

Here are some tracks to chill to (preferably in the warm):

Download MP3: Sigur Rós - Ágætis byrjun (courtesy of amazon.com)




Download MP3: {{{sunset}}} – Moebius (from the 2008 album ‘Bright Blue Dream’) (courtesy of autobusrecs.com)

What ARE those Trees Thinking?

Fabpants Recommends: Sticking with the festive theme, a risky business for sure, here's one from Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine's Jim Bob and Fruitbat. Who’d of thunk it?

Download MP3: Who's The Daddy Now? - A Daddy Christmas Eve (courtesy of mapsmagazine.co.uk).

Yes, it's a bit of an old one, but I just found it on Maps Magazine's 2008 Advent Calendar. Sorry, but it won't play in my little music player, and I don't upload music myself. You'll have to download it this time. I assure you that it's worth your precious time.

The advent calendar also includes tracks from Norwich's fabulous Bearsuit, Homescience, MJ Hibbett and The Long Blondes. Go check it out. It's pleasantly DIY.

Gig Review: One More Tune Herman Dune

Herman Dune, Duke of York’s, 18th December 2008

Last night in the ever-wonderful Duke of York’s Picturehouse, I sat with a box of popcorn resting on my lap and watched bands where a film should have been. David-Ivar Herman Düne and Néman Herman Düne, did what Stanley Brinks (aka André Herman Düne) should have done at The Hope. They played a hell of a lot of songs, some two hours worth and some real belters. Néman Herman Düne was particularly amazing on drums and percussion. Really! I found myself mesmerised by the drummer.

I was particularly delighted when they played this truly charming number:
Download MP3: Herman Dune - I Wish That I Could See You Soon (courtesy of littleradio.com)



I posted the lyrics up some time ago, so if play the song and open my post of 29 January 2008 you can sing along. Neat, eh?

The only downside of the wonderful cinema gig was that it started very late and ended at midnight. Cosy in my chair, and drifting along with the lovely sounds, I almost nodded off. It was so easy to relax. I hate to say 'too easy'. Can it ever be 'too easy' for all your worries to slip away and to find yourself asleep?

I should not neglect to mention that support act and backing singers, the Baby Skins, delighted us with a lovely tap dance. A rare treat for sure.

Fabpants Recommends: A twee and indie Christmas.

Download MP3: Slow Club - Christmas TV (courtesy of acertainromance.com)

Not as Green as I am Cabbage Looking

I have a personal rule. I don’t own a car and I have a limit of hiring one three times a year. Brrm brrrm. Beep beep. Yeah.

In 2008, I hired a car twice: once to see Granny Fabpants in Staffordshire and once to travel across Malawi with my brother. I’ve decided to end my car hire for the year there. Christmas will be by train. There were debates, and there was research, but the decision is final. The train won. Choo choo. Mind the gap. Yeah.

Despite setting us back £109, travelling by train is still cheaper than hiring a car, plus fuel, and it’s the ethical thing to do. Cars kill the planet and give children asthma. They also nearly kill me each morning. Fucking school run.

It’ll mostly be a car free Christmas, but it won’t be sanctimonious

While, I do my bit for the environment, I am the first to admit that it’s not enough. I may buy trees in exchange for flights, opt for green electricity, and bicycle – in a permanent state of fear - about town, but...

...I live in a shitty rented flat, where the wind blows hard through rotten window frames and the heating is caught in an eternal battle to keep us warm. I’m always leaving the hob on by accident and I like baths. I like baths a lot. I was the sole cause of the great water shortage of 2005. Crops died while I bathed. If the flat burns down because the hob has been left on, I’ll probably be in the bath.

Over the years, my extensive knowledge of environmental matters has fallen by the way. I know that agreements to save the world from climate change were on shaky ground last week. UN climate talks in Poland had European leaders rubbing their heads. One by one, their commitments became fewer and it became increasingly hard to save appearances. As usual, they wanted to look like the great environmental saviours of the West, with superhero capes and CO2 reduction sabers, but doing bugger bollocks all is, as ever, so much easier. Shift responsibility, trade emissions and build more runways. Running away is always a good option.

Who wants to invest in saving the world, when financial collapse is likely to eat us in our sleep and the ever-expensive pistachio nut is threatening to become a unit of currency?

Perhaps we all do. Want to see the solution to all our woes? Well, read ‘A Green New Deal’ and prepare yourself for a treat.

You can download a PDF of it here:
A Green New Deal

Don’t give a shit? Think that climate change is a myth? Sure that we’ll find a new planet to trash pretty soon? Who cares? Well, read it anyway. Why? Because it has the best summary of the 2008 financial collapse that I’ve yet to encounter. You can always read the ‘Financial Crunch’ section and ignore the rest.

I also really enjoyed this article:
The 10 big energy myths by Chris Goodall

Fabpants Recommends:

Download MP3: The Lovely Eggs - Tyrannosaurus Rex for Christmas (sorry, this link has died)


Find it on Cherryade Records: Cherryade - A Very Cherry Christmas volume 4

Gig Reviews: Your Mum Will Be Very Proud of You

I know, it’s been a while. Life got hectic and then I collapsed. I slept for sixteen hours on Sunday night. Divine. I’ve been ignoring a stalker-like virus for weeks. Fair play, it put up a long hard fight, followed me everywhere and deserved to win. I surrendered. All hail the virus.

Stanley Brinks, The Hope, 30th November, 2008

Fujiya & Miyagi, Pavilion Theatre, 3rd December, 2008

I sniffed through Stanley Brinks, spent two bleary - but lovely days - in Norfolk and then sneezed a thousand times to the fine tunes of Fujiya & Miyagi. Ask the band, I was down the front. The ceaseless sternutation was striking. Someone near me was crawling with dust mites and I was fucked. It’s been a while since I sneezed so much. I curse the allergy that haunts me. The musical geeks had me bopping all the same. I can’t remember the details, but through an allergic haze and a cold infested head it tasted sweet and bouncy.

The night before, Stanley Brinks had been disappointing. He played a short set sandwiched between the ‘shit rock’ support act that was Ish Marquez. I didn’t take to Ish Marquez. It was painful. I'm sorry Ish, but that's the way it is.

I try to accentuate the positive on these pages, but I was there for as much Stanley Brinks as the man could give and I felt robbed. For such a prolific and wonderful musician, the set was stunted. It left me wanting more in the worst kind of way. I wasn’t there to watch the headliner play bass in a second rate support band, before and after his short serenade. I was there with a longing to be whisked away by the sweet, sensitive lyrics of a bearded genius. He should have played more of his own. André left me hanging.

This wonderful opening track from 'Dank U' was notably absent:

Download MP3: Stanley Brinks - Stanley Brinks (courtesy of musiclikedirt.com)



Let’s hope that the Herman Dune set is better. Nine days and counting...

Two more nights out and the end credits scrolled. GAME OVER. No Club Wotever for me. Being out eight nights in a row, and eleven out of fourteen was enough. I challenge anyone ten years my junior to compete mid-winter, and to hold down a job. Yes, the sniffles are part of the package. And yes, as well as being an employee, I am also self-employed. I’m busy in every direction. I also love sleep. I really love to sleep.

All the same, I have been listening, reading and filling my brain with nuggets to share.

The following is a series of 999 call recordings, as included in The Guardian on 29th November. I would have shared them earlier, but I could only listen to one at a time. They all made me cry. I felt the love, the fear and the bravery. I recommend listening to one a day, and no more.

The epileptic fit (courtesy of guardian.co.uk)




The birth (courtesy of guardian.co.uk)




The fire (courtesy of guardian.co.uk)




The cardiac arrest (courtesy of guardian.co.uk)




The Heimlich manoeuvre (courtesy of guardian.co.uk)




Fabpants Recommends: This is late in coming, but - without much fanfare - Bonnie "Prince" Billy, slipped another album through this year.

‘Lie Down in the Light’ is a soft and beautiful album. It’s not Bonnie "Prince" Billy at his best, but it's close. An enchanting echo of his finest work resounds. Try these out for size.

Download MP3: Bonnie 'Prince' Billy - Easy Does It (courtesy of thelookback.com)




Download MP3: Bonnie "Prince" Billy - You Remind Me of Something (The Glory Goes) (courtesy of earitnow.com)