What Brought You Here?

Whilst spending the last few weeks living up the arsehole of an art bore, something has been gnawing at my subconscious. Should I start writing entries more in keeping with my readership? Should I start giving the people what they want?

I have StatCounter installed on my blog. It’s a wonderful thing. It tells me who visits, what brought them here, and where the hell they came from.

What follows is a selection of search terms - from the last month - that makes a readership my own:

1. sheep fucking thumbs
Search location: London, United Kingdom

2. MAGIC EYE UP THE BACK PASSAGE
Search location: United States

3. beautiful people not in reading
Search location: Reading, United Kingdom

4. How To Shoplift Primark
Search location: London, United Kingdom

5. why do girls hold their ankles when they are being throated?
Search location: London, United Kingdom

6. can your back passage come out
Search location: Peterborough, United Kingdom

I’ve actually had two hits for shoplifting in Primark. I recently met someone with a little bit of a shoplifting endorphins problem. I won’t say where they got caught in action.

So, for the sake of my readers, I must go into the field. Let me be the one to find out why girls hold their ankles while they are being throated, how to thumb fuck a sheep, and whether it is possible to insert a magic eye up your back passage without your colon falling out. If you don’t hear from me for a while, I might be in prison or hospital.

If you came here searching for ‘songs with the same chords’, ‘heroin in Glastonbury’ or ‘my eyes are dim I cannot see’, then I’m sorry. You keep coming and I keep failing to provide. I have not brought my specs with me. It's possible that I never will.

Fabpants Recommends: A bit of German pop. You are forewarned that should you get the album ‘Rest Now, Weary Head! You Will Get Well Soon’, it contains a cover of 'Born Slippy Nuxx'. In my crumbling opinion, this is a song to be avoided in any format. It kills the album.

Download MP3: Get Well Soon - Prelude (courtesy of nastypanda.com)




Download MP3: Get Well Soon - If This Hat Is Missing I Have Gone Hunting (courtesy of cityslang.com)




Download MP3: Get Well Soon - Witches! Witches! Rest Now In The Fire (courtesy of carbonmade.free.fr)




To all my readers - shoplifters, music fans, or dear friends - there is this:

Download MP3: The Beatles – From Me to You (courtesy of gaoge.wh-stuttgart.de)